No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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