I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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