No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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