He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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