I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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