I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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