I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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