I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
