Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
