I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
