Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
