So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
