so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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