i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
