I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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