Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The struggles of a small town man whore
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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