Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
