Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
