I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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