I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
