I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
