Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
