he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
