i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize