So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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