she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
