We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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