I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
