Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He felt like a one man threesome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
