she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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