Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
