We won't sleep together?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
