The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
