how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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