i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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