I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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