i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
