well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
