Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dick very happy bro
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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