I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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