so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
