That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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