FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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