Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
