its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
