his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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