The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
