So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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