Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
