I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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