i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
