lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
