I am puke
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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