Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
