my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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