How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
