It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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