I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
