Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I want is dick and wine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
