yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
