Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
